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Thursday, December 14th, 2006
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6:15 am - I Long For Yesterday...
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So...I was talking to my friend Staci yesterday, and seeing as how she's going out with his brother, Devin came to be our topic of choice. Basically, I found out that he has a new girlfriend. She added me on MySpace a while back because she saw me on Devin's pace (before they were going out) and thought I looked familiar. (Yeah, right. Personally, I think she was just being nosey.) Let's not go into what I think of her, because it doesn't really matter what I think anyway. It never does. No one cares what I think or holds me in high enough esteem to actually listen to and consider anything that I have to say. Okay, that's not entirely true, but for the most part it is. I know that I have said this before, but the circumstances were SO much different. I'm giving him up. And this time, it will actually work. Think about it: Since he doesn't go to our school anymore, I would have to make an effort to see and/or talk to him, because we all know that he doesn't care enough about me to talk to me. I would have to make the effort. And I won't. Do I care about him? Yes. Will I always? Probably so. You always hear that your first love never dies. And...this is getting too mushy.
I think I need to be on anti-depressants. Seriously. I've been REALLY depressed since...well, it's been a few months now. The only thing with that is the fact that I don't show/tell my family any of my true emotions, so they have no idea. None at all. Nada. Zip. It's not that hard to hide. It's not that hard to hide anything really. My friends don't even know the extent to which I have been depressed. They know that I've been sad lately, but they don't know HOW sad. No one does but me. The only problem with getting anti-depressants would be my step-mom would have to take me to go get them from the doctor. That probably wouldn't work very well, because she never takes me to the doctor when I need to be taken. Like when I had hives, I asked her to take me. She said she would, but to no avail. She didn't. Nope. Sure did not. I don't know. Everything's falling apart lately...
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| Sunday, December 10th, 2006
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11:44 pm - The Monotony I Call My Life...
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Okay, so today has been an interesting day. Mhmm...sure has. To be any more interesting, Superman would have had to suddenly appear out of nowhere and kill those evil cookie-stealing-penguins. Not really. In actual reality, my day has been thoroughly uneventful. That's okay, because in this thoroughly uneventful monotony that I call my life, I have random bursts of fun. Yay. No seriously. YAY!! Last night, I went over to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pladypusih8u's house, and we...had fun? Ahh...Well, I had at least, which is oddly unusual nowadays. We took awesome crazy/gay/retarded pictures of us being crazy/gay/retarded. Mhmmm...Then we...had more fun. Haha. Well, it's a long story, but for some reason I had to come home early *coughstepmomcough* and I got home and did nothing. My parents play WoW 24/7 (which might sound cool, but it really isn't. I mean, at first it was really neat, but when they start neglecting you for a video game...well, let's just say that it lost its initial appeal.) So, with nothing to do, what do you think was the ONLY thing I was thinking about? Well, you may or may not have guessed right, and personally, I couldn't care less if you did or not, but just so you know, it was Devin. You know, that one douche bag that has cheated on you twice, the one you know you have every reason to hate, yet he is still in the back of your mind...lingering like the really bad aftertaste of the rotten plum you ate one time when you got up for a midnight snack, and just reached in the fridge and pulled somehing out? Yeah, that's it. He seems to be consuming ALL of my time - waking and sleeping. I can't escape from him. No matter what I do. I know that my friends have to be getting sick of me being all like, "OMG. He's a bad addiction. I'm going into Devin Rehab." and then just like relapse 2 days later. It's exhausting for me and everyone around me, and I know it. I'm sorry, but I really just can't help it. It's frustrating for me, probably even moreso than for everyone else, becuase I have one of my internal conflicts that occur not-quite-so-often. Weelll, I will leave on the note that this is REALLY long, and my mom just asked me if I was writing a book. HAHA
current mood:  confused
current music: Foolish Games by Jewel
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